I Wish I Could Save You Pierre Bouvier
by Profoundly-Bliss
Summary: Bethany Belle moved from Montreal to Manhattan, New York to follow her dream to be a well known journalist. She left behind her friends, her father, and the love of her life Jay Bouvier. She returns when Jay is on the verge of death to reunite.
1. Information

On some of the other sites this story has been posted on, there has been some confusion about ages and when everything went down. So here's a list! All as accurate as possible!

**Birthdays**

**Pierre...** May 9, '79

**Seb...** June 5, '81

**David...** August 29, '80

**Jeff...** August 22, '78

**Chuck...** September 17, '79

**Jay...** Feb 19, '78

**Bethany... **July 18, '81

**When They met in 1995**

**Pierre...** age 16, grade 11

**Seb...** age 14, Grade 9

**David...** age 15, grade 10

**Jeff...** age 17, grade 12

**Chuck... **age 16, grade 11

**Jay...** age 17, grade 12

**Bethany... **age 14, grade 9.

**When Jay and Bethany started dating in 1999**

**Pierre... **age 20

**Seb... **age 18

**David...** age 19

**Jeff...** age 21

**Chuck.. **age 20

**Jay... **age 21

**Bethany... **age 18

**When Bethany moved to Manhattan in 2002**

**Pierre...** age 23

**Seb... **age 21

**David... **age 22

**Jeff... **age 24

**Chuck...** age 23

**Jay... **age 24

**Bethany... **age 21

**Present 2006**

**Pierre... **age 27

**Seb...** age 25

**David...** age 26

**Jeff...** age 28

**Chuck... **age 27

**Jay...** age 28

**Bethany...** age 25

Now, with this story I decided to make it as realistic as possible by actually using real dates/birthdays/events/ etc. But here are a couple things I decided to ignore or change in my story:

-The band Reset never existed.

-Simple Plan was formed by all five members in high school.

-They all went to the same high school.

-David knew english before he was 16 years old.

-Jay actually dies from cancer.

-Seb never lived in France.

-I may also forget about many or all of their other siblings! but, we'll see.

-Pat doesn't exist! at all! I've had a hard time trying to write him in, unfortunately


	2. Home Sweet Home

I fiddled nervously with my own fingers as I watched the old streets of Montreal fly past from the back seat of the cab. New York City is bigger and more exciting... But, Montreal will always be my home. I want to tell the cabbie to slow down a little. Not because he was speeding and I was scared... but because the closer I get to the Bouvier home, the more I feel as if I'll throw up.

I felt guilty returning to Montreal under the circumstances. I never attempted to visit after I moved to Manhattan for university and I didn't put too much effort into keeping in touch. I have no excuse other than it was just too hard. As a child, my father had moved the two of us around a lot. I was born in New Hampshire and lived with both my parents until i was 7. They planned on giving me a younger brother or sister, but when they lost the baby my mother became a heavy drinker and thier marriage fell apart. My father won custody of me and moved us to Canada. First to B.C. then Ontario and everywhere in between. He wanted to make sure my mother could never find us and when we moved to Montreal when I was 13 she never did.

I met Sebastien first. I was in grade 8 and he was the only one who attempted to cross the barrier I had so desperately tried to build around myself. After moving so much, I learned not to make friends. I tried to ignore him, to be mean to him and I even told him to fuck off. He never did and in a way, I'm glad he tried so hard. We became bestfriends almost instantly. In highschool he joined his first band... something he'd been talking about for so long. Eventually, I met Pierre, David, Jeff, Chuck and Pat. They made highschool worthwhile.

Then there was Jay, Pierre's older brother. He was sweet, gorgeous, and had a love for life I'd never seen before. I was in love. Unfortunately, I was 14, he was 17. So I knew he'd never think if me that way. I kept my crush tucked aside, and never told a soul for 4 years. A couple days before I turned 18, Jay took me out to dinner, a date, and confessed his feelings for me. He told me he had been waiting 3 years for me to turn 18 so he wouldn't look like some sort of pedofile. I experienced what true love was for 4 years with Jay. We planned to get married, by a house, have kids. And we would have, if I didn't move away.

I had been accepted to the University of Manhattan's journalism program. A dream come true. Jay had originally planned to move with me, so we could start our lives together in New York. A couple weeks later, he was diagnosed with Leukemia. I left him behind.

Now, 3 years later, I've made my first trip back home only to see the man who changed my life slowly waste away. No one will be excited to see me, no one will greet me with a warm smile and a hug, no one will tell me how much they've missed me or how much they still love me. But i pray to god for their forgiveness.

"Where to from here, ma'm?" The cab driver, with a thick french accent, glanced into the rearview mirror at me.

"First right, then your third left. It's the sixth house on the left." I replied, barely thinking about it at all. The Bouvier house had been a second home to me for so long, but now i'm scared to return. I told I'd stay in a hotel. I wanted to stay in a hotel. I insisted I stay in a hotel. But she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"We have plenty of room, Bethany." she had told me over the phone. Her voice was so emotionless. "Don't go out of your way to sleep in a strange bed. It's so expensive, too."

"It'll be billed to my office, Louise, It's no problem at all." I explained.

"Please." Was all she said. It was obvious she needed more support to get through this traumatic event that no mother should have to experience. I couldn't say no to a cry for help.

The cab pulled up to the house. It looked different, as if it were slowly wasting away too. 's prized gardens looked as if they've gone untended to for months, the red door looked more pink and there was not a single window that had the curtains opened to let the sun light in, except one. Pierre was standing at his bedroom window, starring down at the cab. I gulped. I was frightened to see Pierre again. He hated me for leaving his brother behind in a time of need. He called me selfish, stubborn and other nasty words that made me feel guilty. But most of all, I think he hated me most for choosing Jay over him.

It was obvious in highschool, that Pierre had a thing for me and the feelings were mutual. Unfortunately, he wasn't one for a commited relationship, he prefered to keep things casual. And I barely dated. I was too hung up on Jay.

Pierre was gone from the window and Louise was on her was down the front stairs of the house. I got out of the cab in time for her to embrace me in a warm hug, something I didn't expect.

"Bethany, it's so good to see you." she smiled, weakly, and help me at arms length away. I studied her as she studied me. "Beautiful. You look great, darling."

"It's good to see you too." I smiled. She looked thinner, and older. Stress has gotten the best of her.

"Let's get Pierre out here to grab those bags." She said as the cab driver removed my luguage from the truck. I was going to insist I carry them myself but she was already calling Pierre out the door. He appeared as if he'd been waiting to be called. "Can you take Bethany's bags inside? Then I'll prepare dinner and we can all catch up."

Pierre starred at me until his mother was done talking. I couldn't read his face. He looked almost the same, but tired. His hair was longer, and back to his natural colour.

He grabbed all 3 of my bags at once and took them into the house. Louise and I followed. Pierre had just dropped the bags at the bottom of the stairs.

"Pierre!" His mother yelled. "Don't just leave her bags here. Take them up to Jay's room."

"Jay's room?" I asked nervously. "I'm sleeping in Jay's room?" I couldn't sleep if I had to sleep in Jay's bed. There are too many memories in that room.

"I'm sorry dear, we're all tied up for space. Seb's taken over the guest room since his mother sold the house and moved to florida after she retired. There's no point in these boys having their own place if they're on the road most of the year." The phone started to ring and

she excused herself to the kitchen.

"What's the matter?" Pierre asked, bitterly, entering the room. "Gonna feel to guilty sleeping in the room of the man you left behind to die?"

I was thrown back by his harshness. I knew things would get bad, but I didn't think he'd try to push my button's like this.

"I have nothing to feel guilty about." I said quietly starring at my feet.

"Nothing? Really?" he took a step close to me. I felt goose bumps appear all over my body. "You left him when he needed you most. You completely removed Jay and everyone else from your life for what? An education you could've acheived here and a job! You always were- and still are- so selfish. You left him here to suffer alone."

"If i thought he'd be alone, I wouldn't of left." I tried to keep my voice calm because Pierre was slowly raising his.

"But he was alone. You were such a big part of his life, wthout you he only suffered more." He was yelling at me now. "Yeah he has all of us here to support him but all he ever wanted was you. He wanted to marry you, Beth. He wanted to spend his entire life with you and you bailed on him!"

I clenched my fists and did exactly what he was trying to make me do. I stepped towards him, so I was so close to his face he could feel my breath. "You don't think I wanted that?" I yelled. "You don't think I wanted to marry him, to have a life with him? My entire future for 4 years was based on him being by my side! And when he became sick, he told me to go! He encouraged me! He told me to go on and live my life without him cause he knew if i stayed with him I would be living in hell watching him suffer. So don't judge me, Pierre. Don't tell me i left him behind because I wanted to stay but he pushed me away because he loved me that much. He stopped being selfish so i could go have the life i deserved." At this point I was in tears and Louise was standing in the doorway, listening. Pierre looked at his mother, his fists were clenched and he was biting the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't say anymore.

"Sleep in my room." He finally said, and started to walk into the living room. "But carry your own fucking bags up stairs."


	3. You're A Mess

After Pierre offered me his room last night, I was releaved. But when I started trying to sleep, my head was swarmed with memories of highschool. Coming over here on a Friday night to help David and Pierre write a song. I wasn't very good but they assumed because I wanted to be a writer that I could write a song. or deciding we all wanted to experience what it was like to get stoned. We opened both the windows in Pierre's room, locked the door and covered the vents with towels then tripped out for hours. It was too much.

By 3:30am it was hopeless. I got out of bed and dug through my belongings until I found my pack of smokes and a lighter. Slowly, I tip-toed past the guest room and down the stairs. I wondered if Seb was sleeping, but decided not to check. I opened the front door, walked outside and tried my hardest to close the door without waking anyone up.

"You can slam the door, and they wont hear it."

I screamed and jumped, turning to see who had startled me half to death.

"Sebastien." I smiled, still holding my heart.

"Beth." He smiled back. I took a seat beside him on the front porch and noticed he was also about to light a smoke of his own.

"Since when do you-"

"Since when do you?" He asked before i could finish.

"It's New York." I shrugged, "It's either cigarettes or coke."

"I see." We sat silently for a moment, and we both smoked our cigarettes. there was no need to hug and say that we missed each other. It was already implied. "So... what are you doing out here so late?" I asked.

"Waiting on Pierre." He looked at me. "I heard about the big blow out today."

"I didn't expect it." I sighed, "I didn't think that after all these years he would still blame me. I can't believe that Jay would let him blame me."

"What? Jay doesn't let him! If Pierre even mentions your name in a bitter way Jay will give him a peice of his mind. Pierre knows you were going to stay until Jay said no."

"Then why is he such an asshole to me?" I asked, groaning and placing my head in my hands.

"You didn't visit, didn't call, didn't email. You didn't even try. He's not upset that you abondoned Jay, He's upset you abandoned the rest of us."

"I was too hard. I didn't want to hear how Jay was doing. When Louise called last week I almost fainted. It was like listening to a ghost over the phone. I couldn't work or sleep or eat. All I could think about was Jay and how I should be here by his side."

"I understand. But Pierre doesn't. He's just going through a hard time so don't let his words get to you."

"A hard time, I understand. But he doesn't have to make things harder for me by making me feel so guilty. I thought he was gonna push me or hit me or something, Seb, I'd never seen him that angry, ever."

"It couldn't have been that bad." He insisted and I wasn't about to try and prove him wrong.

"So where is he?" I asked, reffering to Pierre.

"Bar." He sighed. "He doesn't dink a lot. Only when he's really upet. I just want to make sure he gets home."

"Well if he's gonna be drunk, I'm gonna go inside." I got to my feet. "Hey, would you mind if I shared a bed with you tonight? I can't sleep in Pierre's room."

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll be up soon."

As I was opening the door to go inside I heard footsteps coming up the drive way.

"I wanna talk to you!" Pierre slurred his words, pointing at me.

I turned around slowly, only glancing at Pierre for a second. He was clearly intoxicated, leaning to one side, slurring his words. I didn't want to talk to him sobre, so i definetely don't want to talk to him like this,

"I'm done, Pierre, and I'm going to bed." I shook my head.

"Don't you dare walk into my house before i'm done talking to you."

"Pierre, you're drunk. Let's get you inside." Seb rushed over to Pierre but was ignored.

"Yeah, I'm drunk. But even drunk I can see how much of a selfish bitch Britty is. Now get your ass down here you whore so i can give you a peice of my mind."

This was a Pierre i'd never seen before. A drunk, upset Pierre who didn't care what he was saying. Even pissed off, a sobre Pierre would not call me such filthy names.

"So I'm a whore now?" I closed the door and walked down the steps towards him.

"Beth, please just go inside." Seb begged.

"Hold on." I said. "Pierre, explain, Please. We all want to hear the knowledge you pocess about me, even though we haven't spoken for 3 years."

"Yeah you're a whore." he took a step closer to me. "You're gonna share a bed with Seb. We all know what's gonna happen there." He started pointing to himself. "I know, I know, what you two were like in highschool. I saw it all."

"You were just jealous. You were the whore. You were the one who slept with a different girl every week in highschool. And maybe if you weren't such a whore, you and I would've ended up together."

"You wish." He spat.

"Okay, come on." Seb grabbed a hold of Pierre's arm and tried to pull him towards the house. Pierre swung his other hand around and pushed Seb off of him.

"Hey!" I yelled and pushed Pierre. I turned my back to him to go into the house with Seb. But Pierre, out of anger, grabbed a hold of my arm and threw me down on to the driveway.

"Not fucking cool, Pierre." Seb pushed Pierre away from me and offered a hand to help me up, But Pierre tackled him. The both landed on top of me, and I immediatly felt a sharp pain run up my arm. Pierre and Seb both rolled around throwing punchs. I screamed at them to stop until Seb finally got on top of Pierre and pinned him to the lawn.

"Are you fucking crazy!" Seb yelled in his face. "This is unbelieveable, even for you. You can't just grab her like that! I don't care how pissed off at the world you are. Smartin' up!" He got to his feet. I was in tears from the pain in my arm and the fact that I had to witness that happen.

"I'm sorry," I cried, "I should have just went inside-"

"Yeah, you should've. But apologize later. You're not staying here tonight with this lunatic." He grabbed my hand to lead me to his car and I let a wimper leave my mouth. He stopped and examined my arm. "Fot fuck sakes, Pierre." He mummbled. "we'll go to the ER in the morning, and grab your stuff."


	4. I Missed Timmies

We didn't drive very far to get where we were going. We pulled up to a nice looking building full of condos. Seb didn't say a word the entire time we were in the elevator until we were at the door of one of the apartments. He banged his fist repeatedly against the door until someone answered. It was David. He was wearing nothing but boxers, his hair was everywhere and he was rubbing his eyes.

"This better be important." He muttered, and then looked at me. His eyes widened and he took a moment to look at me. Like he was trying to figure out if he was dreaming. "Bethy!" He yelled, suddenly full of energy. He pushed past Seb and hugged me tightly. I bit my lip trying not to cry from the pain of my arm. "Oh my god, this is unbelievable! I missed you! I-"

"Can we stay here tonight?" Seb asked.

David pulled away from me, noticing my arm and the bruise that was still growing on the side of Seb's face. "Uh- Yeah- Of course." He welcomed us in and locked the door behind him. "What happened?" He ran over to the fridge and grabbed two ice packs for us.

"Long story." Seb took the ice pack and placed it gently on his face. He beckoned for me to follow him as he left the kitchen. "We'll talk in the morning."

"Alright." David followed us down the hallway.

I turned around and hugged David as best I could with one arm. I felt tears sting my eyes. This whole day has just been way too overwelhming. "Good night."

Seb grabbed my hand and lead me into the door on the left into what i assumed was a guest room. We both crawled under the blankets in the bed and didn't say a word. we just fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning to the sun shining through the window. Seb was beside me. His arms were wrapped around my shoulders and his forehead was pressed against mine. It made me smile. He was always protective of me. In highschool, Seb would protect me from any guy trying to hit on me. He knew when i was interested in a guy and when I wasn't. If we were all horsing around in the pool, he'd be the one to remind the guys that I was fragile.

I started to think of what Pierre said the night before. He knew what we were like in highschool? He knew we used eachother to escape what we didn't want to deal with. Seb would come to me when he wanted to forget his parent's fighting at 2am everynight, and when I was hung up on Jay, or Pierre and miserable that I couldn't have either I would go to him. For awhile it was just cuddling, kissing, making out. After that, it was everything. He was my first- and I don't regret it. I guess the proper term would be friends with benifits. No strings attached. We love eachother, but not like that.

I thought about waking Seb, running my fingers through his hair, kissing his lips to forget Jay, Pierre, everything if only for a few hours. Instead, I crawled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. It wasn't until I opened a cupboard in search of coffee that I remembered my wrist was hurt. It was swollen and purple now.

I heard the front door open and David walked in, holding a Tim Hortons bag and two coffees. I smiled.

"I'm not a coffee drinker but I knew you and Seb would want one." He smiled putting them on the counter. "And begals." He held up the bag.

I helped myself to a coffee and a begal. "I miss Tim Hortons. There's none in Manhattan."

He chuckled and beckoned for me to follow him into the living room. We sat on the couch and enjoyed our begals for a few minutes.

"You look great." He smiled, "10 times prettier than when you left."

"Thanks." I sipped on my coffee.

"So what happened?" he finally asked, running his fingers gently over my swollen wrist.

"Pierre happened." I sighed. "As soon as I arrived at the house he started telling me I should feel guilty- which I do- and started telling me I abandoned Jay... Then last night, He came home really drunk and started calling me a whore. We got in to an argument, then he pushed seb, I pushed him, he threw me to the ground, so Seb pushed him then Pierre tackled Seb and they landed on me."

David shook his head. "I realize this is a hard time for him but I didn't think he'd get so out of control when you showed up. I knew he wouldn't be happy... I never expected it to get so... physical."

I sat silently for a moment, starring at the leather surface of the couch. "Do you blame me?" I asked,"For leaving?"

"No." He replied. "Jay told us all that he encouraged you to go. He made it clear he didn't want you here to see him like this. I do blame you for not keeping in touch. But, I'm not gonna kick your ass."

I smiled and leaned over to hug him. This was not the reaction I was expecting to get from everyone. I didn't expect David and Seb to be so understanding, and I didn't expect Pierre to be this angry.

"Is this mine?" Seb asked, entering the living room sipping on the coffee.

David nodded. "There's a begal here for you too."

Seb grabbed the begal and began to stuff his face. "So, we should probably get to the hospital soon. I was worried about either of us falling asleep last night because we both hit our heads. We still might have concusions."

"I didn't hit my head." I pointed out.

Seb sat down beside me on the couch and pulled my hair away from the back of my neck. I couldn't see, but David said, "Shit, Let's get to the hospital." So I assumed it was bad.

"There's blood all over your pillows, by the way." Seb pointed out to David. "I'll replace them."

"Don't worry about it let's just get to the hospital." David said, cautiously helping me up off the couch. I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand and felt all the dry blood.

"How do you not notice something like this?" I asked.

They both shrugged.

We got to the hospital and ended up not having to wait to see a doctor because the nurse recgonized David and Seb. She'd said her teenage daughter was a huge fan. Sometimes I forget how famous they've gotten. You can't turn on the radio or music television with out hearing about Simple Plan. They'd played a concert in Manhattan last summer while they were on tour. I bought a ticket, I booked off work, I even got dressed to go. I ended up spending the whole night sitting on my couch, trying to figure out what I could say to them. I didn't expect it to be so easy.

Seb was already done getting checked out while I was still waiting for the doctor so he came in to wait with me. He had a bandage on the left side of his forehead and chin and a couple bandages on his knuckles.

"How you feeling?" I asked hoping up on the examination bed in the centre of the room.

"Could be better." He replied. He stood infront of me with his hands in his sweater pockets. "You?"

"Fine." I nodded. "I'm sorry. I should've stayed out of it last night. I should've just let him yell while I walked inside. I didn't mean to get us hurt."

"I'm sorry I said 'it can't be that bad.'" He sighed. "I'm just still so used to protecting you... I just didn't think I'd ever be protecting you from Pierre. I mean, he loves you. We all do."

"It's fine. I just can't believe he called me a whore. me! He's the one who led me on. He's the one who slept around in highschool, not me. I didn't at all other then- well... you."

Seb kind of blushed. "Still no regrets, right?"

I smiled and grabbed his hand to pull him in to a hug. "none at all. I can't think of anyone else who I would rather give my virginity to." we both chuckled a little.

He pulled out of the hug but stayed standing between my legs. He was holding the side if his face and kind of wincing in pain.

"Awh, want me to kiss it better?" I joked. He nodded. I leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek. As I was pulling back, he gently pressed his lips to mine. Shocked, I pulled back a little, but immediatly pressed my lips back against his. He pulled away shortly after.

"Sorry, just one last time for old times sake." He half smiled.

"Don't apologize." I smiled back "You know, you're my first kiss in 2 years."

"2 years?" He asked.

"Yeah, six months after I moved, I met this guy in one of my classes. He was really sweet, and I was lonely and miserable. We started dating and I moved in to his apartment a couple months later. He turned out to be a real jerk." I shrugged.

"How so?"

"He was just a jerk." I didn't want to elaborate, and Seb didn't push me to tell.

"If it makes you feel any better I caught my girlfriend of 2 and a half years cheating on me a couple months ago. In my apartment."

"I'm so sorry." I cooed.

"It's fine. I knew it was happening for months, I just ignored it until I saw it for my own eyes."

I nodded and stayed silent for a few moments. "Can we visit Jay today?" I asked.

"You've been through enough these past 24 hours. How about we go back to David's, rest up and come visit tomorrow or sunday?"

I didn't agree, but I wasn't going to argue. Seb's always known what's best for me.


	5. Morning Beers

When I woke up the nest morning, I almost felt like I was having an anxiety attack. My chest felt tight, my breath was shallow and shakey and my hands were trembling. I figured I must've just had a bad dream that I can't remember, or I didn't get enough sleep. I was up most the night thinking about Jay- and Pierre.

I climbed out of bed, threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed out to the living room. I knew Seb would already be awake, or he just hadn't gone to bed yet, and David was working with a band that he was helping produce. When I walked out in to the living room, Seb was writing in a note book and drinking a beer.

"A little early for beer, isn't it?" I asked, taking a seat beside him and glancing at the clock on the wall.

He shrugged, "Not if you haven't been to bed. Beside, it seems like none of us have much of a scheduale these days so to hell with it." He polished off his beer and put the note book down on the table. "Hows your arm?"

I held my arm out so he could examine my wrist. "It feels better. Doesn't hurt as much so the pills must be working." I chuckled. "I just wish Pierre would-"

"No, no, no." He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to hime so my back rested comfortably against his chest, and my head rested on his collarbone. "No talk of Pierre today."

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. For the first time in a long time I remembered my attraction to Seb. It wasn't just a physical or sexual attraction... It was mainly an emotional one. When I was with him my problems would dissapear, and he'd make me feel amazing. Even if it was only for a couple hours, I loved it.

Seb and I spent many late nights together in Highschool. Seb would call me over when his parents would fight at any time. 1, 2, 3 in the morning. It didn't matter because they were too bust fighting to notice me coming and going in the middle of the night. We'd spend the whole night talking and making love. They didn't even notice when Seb and I would get up in the morning and leave for school together. And my dad... He didn't notice anything.

The first time Seb and I had sex we were 15. Before that, we'd make-out every once and a while. Seb claimed he needed practice, and he didn't know any other girls, but it slowly turned in to something we both enjoyed. Kids at school thought we were dating because Seb liked to hold my hand a lot, but that was never the case. Our relationship has always been complicated to understand. Not for us though. To us our relationship is simple. We hold hands and kiss and make love- but that doesn't mean we need to date. We're just friends and this is how our relationship works. Unfortunately, sex with each other started to become an addiction for both of us to get over the pety problems in our lives. I didn't realize it was an addiction then, but I do now.

-Flash Back-

The first time we had sex, it was just after my 15th birthday. Seb invited me over to swim and to give me my birthday present. After we finished swimming we went up to his room and he gave me my birthday present.

"You'll probably think it's lame, but I spent a lot of time on it." He smiled handing me a tape. The label said "Bethany" simply.

I smiled and looked over at him, "What's on it?"

"Me. playing and singing along to some songs I know you like." he blushed.

"Awh, Sebby, I love it!" I got up and gave him a hug. "Can I put this on now?"

"No!" He blushed again, "I'd be to embarassed if you played it in front of me." He sat down on his bed and looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry I couldn't buy you something."

"Are you kidding? This is the sweetest thing I've ever gotten." I sat down on the bed beside him.

"Really?"

"Really."

He smiled, leaned over and kissed my lips. I smiled too. This was a regular occurance for us when we were alone. But, today felt different, I didn't want him to pull away and he didn't seem to want to. I pulled him by his shirt, down on top of me as I laid back on his bed. He used his knees to spread my legs apart, and slipped his tounge into my mouth. A small moan escaped my lips as he ran his hand along my hip bone. He pulled away, afraid he was doing something wrong.

"Don't stop." I begged, pulling his shirt over his head and roughly pulling him back down on top of me.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he kissed my neck. I nodded and he got up to grab a condom. He was prepared, we both were. We knew this would happen sooner or later.

-End Flash Back-

As I sat in his arms and thought about our first time, and all those times in highschool, he must've been too because he started kissing my neck. Kissing my neck was something he always did. I knew he wanted too, but it had been 7 years, and I wanted to break this habit for good. As much as I needed it, I also needed a normal friendship with him.

"There's got to be a better way." I mumbled as his hands roamed around under my shirt.

"What?" He asked, no longer kissing my neck.

I sighed and shifted on the couch to face him. "There's got to be a better for us to deal with what we're both going through. We can't run to eachother like this every chance we get."

"What's wrong with this?" he asked. "We're two adults now, we know what we're doing. Hell, even when we were kids we knew what we were doing."

"No we didn't, Seb. We became so dependent on eachother eventually all we did when we were alone was have sex. Neither of us had any real relationships throughout highschool and when I finally did get a real relationship... I missed being with you."

"I missed being with you too. But we didn't become addicted to being with eachother we became addicted to what it meant. It meant releaf, a solution to our problems. Friends help other friends get over their problems all the time, we just have our own way."

"This isn't a solution though, Seb. It's a bandaid fix. Having sex gave us a couple hours of releaf, and that's it."

Seb shook his head, "First of all, you and I never just had sex." He put his hand on the side of my face and kissed my lips. "We made love. We made beautiful, passionate, unconditional love. We made love that didn't need a commitment or anything else to prove it existed because I love you and you love me, and that's all that matters. Second of all, when you find a perminet fix for our problems, you let me know. But for now-" He took hold of my waist and pulled me on top of him so my legs straddled his hips. "-I'm going to give you the best releaf you've ever had."

I couldn't help myself, now that he was talking like this. I kissed him so his head tilted back on the couch and our chest's were pressed together. I could feel his heart beat as his hands roamed under my shirt and along my back.

"c'mon." He said between kisses. "Let's go to the bedroom." He gently pushed me off him until we were both standing and gave me one more kiss that left me with shakey knees. He grabbed my hand, like he always did when he was leading me anywhere, and lead me to the bedroom. As I shut the bedroom door behind me I watched Seb strip his shirt off and toss it aside. He turned, looked at me and smiled before he grabbed my hips and pulled me towards him. He kissed my neck and jaw line before pulling my shirt over my head. He continued to kiss my neck before he lead a trail of kisses down my breast to my stomach. His hands followed, and fiddled with my pants until he was slipping them down my legs, and to my feet.

As I stepped out of my panties, he stepped out of his boxers and stepped towards me. He smirked for a second before gently, but agressively, pinning me against the door. He begain to grind his hard dick between my legs, against my clit, causing us both to moan. He smiled against my lips, and ran his right hand down my body, and between my legs until his fingers reached out and touched the opening of my pussy. I squirmed in his arms for moment, until he finally pushed his fingers inside of me. I moaned, loudly and wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair as he continued to push his fingers in and out of me. I started to tilt my head back and moan, but Seb placed his free hand on the back of my head and pulled me into him. As his tounge explored my mouth and his hands explored the rest, I couldn't help but wimper and moan uncontrolably.

"Seb, please." I begged after he'd teased me enough.

"Whatever you want, baby." He moaned as his fingers left me. His hands wrapped around to my ass. He slid his hands down to the back of my knees and lifted me up to wrap my legs around his waist. As I did, without warning, he pushed his throbbing dick in to my opening slowly. I started to close my eyes.

"Don't." he breathed, "Look at me." So I did. I starred in to his eyes as he slowly moved in and out of me. Suddenly, He stopped while he was inside of me.

"Fuck, you're on the pill right?" To make a long answer short, I said yes. "Perfect." He smirked.

He wrapped his arms around me and with out pulling out, or detatching our lips, he turned and took a few steps towards the bed before dropping us both down on it. He immediatly started thrusting faster, harder and deeper. He went back and forth from kissing and sucking at my neck, to kissing me so deeply and passionately he sent shivers up my spine.

"My turn." I wispered as he finally started to slow down. I gently pushed him off of me, and he flopped down on the bed beside me. I climbed on top of him, straddling his hips with my knees. I pressed my clit down against his shaft and moved along it, up and down. Just to tease him as badly as he teased me earlier. He grabbed a hold of my hips and pushed me down harder on to him and began to control my movements. I nibbled on his ear and neck and kissed his chest all over until he was groaning and moaning as much as I had earlier. I lifted my hips up and lowered myself down on to his waiting dick. We both moaned in unison. As I bounced up and down repeatedly on his cock, he started to slowly sit up, so he could kiss my lips as I rode him.

Finally, when i was no longer able to control the noises escaping my lips, he held on to me and rolled us both over and started to thrust into me so much harder and deeper than before that I had to grip the sheets underneath us to stop us both from eventually knocking our heads against the wall. I wrapped my legs around his back, giving him acess to go even deeper.

"Oh, fuck, Sebastien." I moaned, he smirked at me, and not once lost the connection between our eyes. "Harder... harder.." I moaned breathlessly until I was having an orgasm. Saying his name repeatedly is what set me over the edge. Finally, without pulling out, he collapsed down on my chest. We both tried for a moment to catch our breath. "Oh my god." I moaned, clearly still turned on. My whole body was tingling.

"Better?" he smirked, lifting his head to look at me. All I could do was nod. He finally pulled out of me, and rolled over so he was on his side, facing me. I did the same but I pushed my body against his and began to kiss his lips. "Round two?" he chuckled.

"Sorry, I'm just still so turned on." I began to suck on his neck.

"No hickies." he wispered. He was right, we didn't need Pierre finding out about this... again.

He started to grind up against me again, and things started to heat up until we heard the buzzer. I pulled away but he pulled me back.

"Ignore it." he started kissing me again, but again the buzzer went off. He groaned and rolled out of the bed and made his way to the intercom. "Yeah?" he asked, holding the button.

"It's me and Jeff." Chucks voice rang through the speakers. I smiled brightly and climbed out of bed.

"I'll buzz you in."

I collected my clothes and ran past Seb to the bathroom. I got dressed and tried to make it look like Seb and I did not just have sex. When there was a knock at the door I ran out of the bathroom, and started down the hallway but Seb came out of the bathroom and grabbed my hips. He spun me around and pinned me against the wall. His lips once again connected with mine until they knocked at the door again. Seb and I separated and he opened the door.

"Chuck! Jeff!" I smiled, attacking them with a hug.

"Beth!" They both smiled in unison hugging me back, my arm hurt and I pulled away a little. They both looked at my arm, frowning. They must've heard the story.

"Come in!" I beckoned, trying to lighten the mood.

"Holy shit, look at you!" Chuck beamed giving me another, gentle hug. "you've grown up!"

"So have you." I smiled, pulling away. "And you, Jeff!" I gave Jeff another hug.

"Beer?" Seb asked, sticking his head out of the fridge.

"No... it's one in the afternoon." Jeff said, glancing from Chuck, then to me.

Seb shrugged and opened a beer for himself. "Let's sit so you all can catch up for a bit."

"No talk of Pierre." I announced. "I'm sure you've heard the both stories now, anyways."

"Well, yeah." Chuck shrugged, "We knew he'd be pissed to see you, but-"

"But not THAT pissed." I finshed. "I get it."

We all sat down in the living room. "So tell me everything!"

Chuck and Jeff looked at eachother. "You first, man." Chuck insisted, "You got the most to tell."

He smiled, "I'm getting married."

"No way!" I smiled, "I'm so happy-"

"There's more!" Chuck nudged Jeff. All three boys were smiling.

"I'm- well, I'm gonna be a dad."

My jaw dropped. Jeff was smiling like a fool, and blushing. He looked so happy about the whole thing, so I was happy for him. "Oh gosh, Jeff! I'm so happy for you!" I looked over at Chuck. "Now nothing you say could beat that." I joked. Chuck agreed.

We talked for another couple hours, Seb was mostly quiet. He wasn't himself and we all saw it.

"Well, it's nearly 4." Jeff announced. "We were going to go visit Jay, we stopped by to see if you wanted to go."

I bit my lip and said, "Yeah. Yeah I should."

"Have you gone yet?" Chuck asked. I shook my head. "It's okay. We'll be there with you. David's gonna meet us there."

"Will Pierre be there?" I asked.

"Yeah... He's always there." Chuck nodded.

-Flash Back-

Jay and I had been dating for almost two months, but hadn't told anyone except Sebastien, and some of Jay's friends. We were cuddling on the couch, watching tv and sneaking kisses from each other. We'd decided right away we would take things slow, and not tell anyone until we were sure this relationship would last. The hardest part, was figuring out how to tell Pierre. Jay knew how I had once felt about Pierre, and we were both aware Pierre felt it too. Jay and Pierre were so close as brothers. Practically twins, they would say. But according to Jay, the only thing they would fight about was me.

Things started heating up with Jay. He started kissing me like he'd never kissed me before, and running his hands all over my body. We got so caught up in the moment, we hadn't heard the Pierre come through the front door and into the living room until he cleared his throat. Jay and I both stopped, and turned toward Pierre.

"Hey, P." Jay greeted as I climbed off of his lap. "Why aren't you at band practice?"

He was glaring at both of us. "Jeff broke his guitar. It got postponed."

"Oh... true." Jay replied, and looked at me. Neither of us had any idea what to say to him.

"So when did this happen?" He asked. "Just now? Or is this a secret on going thing? Like you and Seb." Pierre shot at me.

Jay, confused, answered, "No- I asked her out, on her birthday."

"You're birthday?" Pierre chocked, still looking at me.

"Yeah, He asked me. But I didn't answer him got a couple days."

"Oh, I see." He nodded slowly and started to leave the room. "Well I hope you will be real happy together."

After we knew Pierre was out of ear shot, Jay turned to me. "On going thing- like you and Seb?" He asked, "What does that mean?"

So I told him everything. He was pissed at first that he's never known, and I never mentioned it but eventually came to understand. That was one thing that made me fall for Jay more than Pierre; He was more understanding.

-End Flash Back-


	6. The Painful truth

Jeff drove us to the hospital since we decided Seb had too much on his mind, Chuck still didn't have a driver's liscense and mine expired months ago since no one drives in New York.

As we entered the hospital I got the same sense of panic that I had the day before. I stopped just inside the doors and starred in. Jeff and Chuck kept walking without noticing, but Seb stopped and took my hand.

"There's nothing to be scared of." He assured. I nodded, but I didn't believe him. I was scared to see Jay lying in bed, not full of life like his usual self. I was even more afraid he'd take one look at me, change his mind and ask me to leave. Seb tugged on my hand until I wasn't absent mindedly following him to the elevator. We got off on the third floor. In the middle of the hallway, Mr. and Mrs. Bouvier were talking to a doctor, and looking rather miserable. As we got closer to them, I could hear them talking.

"So, how long do you think?" asked, clearly afraid to hear the answer.

The doctor sighed, "It's hard to tell, it could be another week, to another month. It's all up to him now."

When Seb watched Louise start to cry, he let go of my hand to rush over and give her a hug. I followed quickly, and when she was done hugging Seb, she hugged me. She'd always been like a mother to Seb and I. When I turned 17, my father up and left with no warning at all. After 2 weeks of living on my own, I finally told the guys. Louise took me in and gave me a home until Jay and I started dating, and a few months later we got our own place.

Seb never officially moved in with the Bouviers, but because his parents argued so much he spent most nights there.

I gave a hug too.

"Oh dear, I hope you two are okay. You left the house so suddenly." She looked at my bandaged wrist, "I heard what happened, and you better believe Pierre got a mouthful from me."

"We're fine." I smiled mekely.

"That's what I like to hear." She smiled, but she still didn't look happy.

"Louise," Real placed his hand on his wife's shoulder, "We have to go pick up Johnathan."

"Johnathan's here?" Seb asked. Johnathan was the oldest Bouvier boy. Seb and I didn't know him very well since he was a few years older than Jay, and didn't live at home when I met all the guys. By the time Jay and I started dating, he'd moved to Toronto.

"We're picking him up at the airport." Louise smiled a little.

"Jay will be happy to see him." Seb nodded. We all said our goodbyes, and I turned towards the door. I took a deep breath and knew if I hesistated I'd never bring myself to go through the door. So, I turned the door knob and walked through. David and Jeff were sitting on a couch against the far wall, reading some magazine. Chuck was in a chair beside Jay's bed, and Pierre was practically asleep at a small table in the corner of the room. As soon as he noticed me, he stood up quickly.

"Anyone want a coffee?" He asked, already half way out the door. He shoved my shoulder as he passed me, but I barely noticed. I couldn't take my eyes off Jay, who was alsleep in the bed. His face and the rest of his body was so pale, except for his lips and eyelids with looked almost purple. He was thinner and more frail looking, and he had no hair left on his head. There were tubes running in his nose and wrist that were hooked up to machienes on the other side of the bed.

"I need to talk to him." Seb announced following Pierre out the door.

Jeff jumped up quickly, "I'm going to make sure they don't kill eachother." and he too followed them out.

After a few moments, Chuck stood. "I'm actually going to get some coffee, would you like some?" I nodded in response. "Come on David, come help me."

David looked confused for a moment, but then him and Chuck left the room, leaving me alone with Jay. I grabbed the chair Chuck had recently occupied and pulled it right up to the bed beside Jay. As I sat down I took his hand and started to cry.

"Don't cry." Jay's raspy voice spoke. It was like listening to a ghost. I looked up at him.

"Jay." I smiled, "How're you feeling?" I realized after how stupid that question was.

"Never better." He smiled, jokingly. I was happy to see he still had a sense of humour. "You look great."

"Thanks." I said, still letting tears flow freely from my face.

"Please don't cry." He begged. "My mom does enough of that for everyone."

"I'm sorry." I wiped the tears from my face.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." He squeezed my hand and I knew he didn't just mean the crying.

"I should've called, or visited-"

"You should've." He interupted, clearing his throat a little, "But I understand. And besides, you didn't need a play-by-play of how I was doing. All the matters is that you're here now."

"How are you still so understanding after going through all of this?" I asked, remembering that was always a quality I loved about him.

"I just figure, life's to short to waste your energy being angry with people." He smiled.

"You should teach Pierre that." I sighed.

"I wish I could." He reached his hand up slowly and touched the cast on my wrist. "I heard about what happened. Pierre comes in here all the time and talks to me while he thinks I'm asleep, but I listen. He told me how bad he feels. He's also mentioned how much we broke his heart when we started dating. He loves you, he's always loved you."

"he never loved me like you did. If he did, he would have done something about it. He would've stopped sleeping with all those girls in highschool."

"He did that to make you jealous, because you had Seb and he had no one."

"Well it worked. I became so disguisted by him I hated myself for liking him." I chuckled awkwardly and looked at Jay. "And then there was you. You two are so a like in so many ways but you're so sweet, understanding and-"

"And Pierre's more passionate, emotional and that's why you were always so attracted to him."

"That's not true-" I cooed.

"Yes it is." He said, "I've always known that. You may have been in love with me, but you always wondered if you could love Pierre more. I know it now."

He was absolutely right. I was in love with Jay, I still am. But there's always been that side of me that wondered where Pierre and I could end up. Could there be a deeper love there than with jay?

I started to cry again, and asked, "Can we please not talk about Pierre?"

"Sure," He tried to smile. "Whatever you want."

"So.." I struggled for a subject that could stay pleasent. "Jeff's gonna have a baby."

Jay smiled brightly, "I know. He talks about it all the time. And the way he smiles about it, you know he's extatic about the whole thing."

"I know, I'm so happy for him."

"It's too bad neither of us will ever get to experience that feeling."

"Jay- don't-" I warned him.

"Don't what? I bet you haven't spoken about this since we found out you couldn't have children. Does anyone else even know?" He asked.

"They don't need to know."

"They can help you, support you. You were so torn about the whole thing you could really use someone to talk to."

"I'm fine with it. I've come to terms." I lied.

"Okay," He sighed, "But I want to apologize for letting our relationship fall apart over it."

"It's okay-"

"No, it's not. After we found out you couldn't have a baby, it seemed like all our future plans were ruined. I started to resent you. That's why I pushed you so hard to leave after you got that scholarship, and I became sick, it was clear we were headed down two different paths and I didn't want to hold you back. You didn't need to waste you life watching me die. And I bet you if you told Pierre that, he would start to understand... trust me."

"Yeah, well we'll see about that."

"Trust me." He repeated. "And i'm sorry, but I'm exhausted..."

"Oh, it's okay" I started to stand up. "I'll come back another time." I leaned down and kissed his cheek. His face was so cold.

As I opened the door, jay said, "Hey Bethany." I turned to look at him, "I love you."

I smiled, and tried not to cry infront of him again. "I love you too."

"I can die a happy man knowing that." He said quietly as I walked out the door. I shut the door behind me and immediatly started to cry. I crossed the hall and leaned against the wall opposite of Jay's door. I slid down until I was sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest. I didn't know where else to go so I waited for someone to come find me, But being alone had it's downfall. I couldn't stop remembering things I didn't want to remember.

-Flash Back-

Jay and I sat nervously at the clinic, waiting for the doctor to come out with our results. Jay held my hand tightly over his knee and i couldn't stop shaking my legs.

"What if I'm pregnant?" I finally asked, looking over at Jay.

"Would it really be that bad?" He asked back. "We'd get married and start our plans a little earlier, that's all."

He seemed happy about the whole thing, But I wasn't ready to be a mother just yet. I wanted kids one day, but not now. Not when I'm only 20 years old.

"I don't wanna put my life on hold just yet, Jay." I admited. "I still wanna go to school and get my degree-"

"You can always do that after."

I didn't get another word in because the doctor came out. We both stood up anxiously. Jay grabbed my hand.

"I think we should come in to my office and talk." The doctor said. I had a hard time reading his expression. We followed him into his office and took a seat across from him at his desk. "Well, you're not pregnant."

I smiled, and looked over at Jay who was half smiling. I knew he'd be a little dissapointed but I planned to reassure him later that it'll happen one day for us.

"But," The doctor continued and the smiles faded from our faces. "I'm afraid you are not able to have a baby, ."

"What?" Jay asked, shocked. "You mean she can never have children?... ever?"

"I'm afarid so." The doctor continued with all the medical talk, but I didn't pay attention. The only thing I paid attention to was the sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew right then that mine and Jay's relationship would never be the same again.

"We could always adopt." Jay suggested later that night when we were home. "We can still have a family."

I shooke my head, tears were streaming down my face, "It's not the same, Jay. You don't get that bond with an adopted child that you do when you've carried a baby for nine months. When they have your DNA there's always a special bond there."

"So, what are you saying?" He asked, dropping my hand from his.

"I don't know." I replied quietly.

-End Flash Back-


End file.
